WHAT I WANT DOESN'T MATTER

Lord I want so many things.

I want a new car. Or at the very least, I want a new exhaust system, air conditioning system, battery, shocks and brakes. It's really okay that my grandsons call my van the ghetto-mobile. I don't really care that it has that huge dent in the side panel that makes it so hard to open the sliding door. I don't even care that I don't have a CD player or that my upholstery is threadbare. I really don't. But I do care that it is safe to drive. I do care that carbon monoxide doesn't pour into the interior at every stoplight I must heed. Oh, well. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, I do want some other things. I want a digital camera. I am so tired of spending all that money on throw-away cameras that make my precious blue-eyed granddaughters into red-eyed monsters. (Cute monsters, but red-eye is so distracting.) And yes, I would like a laptop computer so I could sit in my recliner and type while my husband sits next to me watching the Patriots whoop up on those Bears. But, it doesn't matter, Lord.

Well, of course there's more. I'd like fourteen hundred dollars so I could get a root canal on my broken molar. Then I'd like to have it crowned in white porcelain, instead of that horrid silver thing that Abby thinks is ugly when I laugh. But it doesn't matter.

And I'd like the thirty-six hundred dollars to pay off my son's funeral bill so I could start saving for a new car.

And I'd like enough money to spend all I want for Christmas this year on everyone I love. I'd want a pair of glasses that actually have both the long and short of distance so I can toss these Dollar General things in the trash. And I want to go visit my dad in Tennessee, but know I can't because my car is in too bad a shape for a 2000 mile trip.

And I want You to actually tell me out loud--audibly--that everything I want is okay to want. And that I'm not selfish for wanting it.

But ultimately Lord--I know. It doesn't really matter what I want. It's what You want that matters. And I am praying for a heart that is consistent with Your desires more than anything else today. For I know that when I delight in You, You will give me the desires of my heart. May I delight all the more today than yesterday--and tomorrow than today, oh Lord my Father. May my heart be found beating in tune with Yours. [copyrighted Dani Lee, 2006]